What Are You Agreeing To…
What Are You Agreeing To…/ Is it Better to Exercise in the Morning or in the Evening / Make Better Decisions by Challenging Your Expectations / The Lighter Side of Agreements
What Are You Agreeing To…
We all have those little or possibly even big things we silently say yes to, simply by not saying no or by choosing to do something else,
You know what I’m talking about…
That stuff you swear you’ll do or stop doing longer than you’d care to think about.
You’re not alone.
Recently, a friend reminded me of Don Miguel Ruiz’s great book, The Four Agreements.
Coincidentally I’d seen it while I was going through my books and thought I should revisit it.
I’d read it years before and swore I’d do things differently… make those changes.
That lasted for about as long as I was reading the book (maybe a week or two longer).
It was all put into perspective with a recent, heartbreaking reminder of why we need to do these things now and not wait.
Over the weekend, I learned that a Rockstar friend, suddenly, unexpectedly passed away.
She had lived her life by the Four Agreements and then some.
As I watched her and her husband’s Facebook pages fill up with tributes along with the pain and sorrow of friends like myself mourning a life that was too short, but extraordinarily well-lived, I couldn’t help but wonder what I was agreeing to…
Those things that I was saying I’d do tomorrow, but was still waiting for that day to arrive.
So, I wonder, what are you continuing to agree to?
And when was the last time you even asked yourself that question?
Perhaps like me, it took a sudden tragedy to remind you (again) just how short this - as the brilliant poet, Mary Oliver beautifully wrote - “one wild and precious life” is.
Or perhaps you haven’t had a shocking reminder and aren’t quite there yet.
We go through this adventure, which is filled with so many unexpected turns, thinking that there’s always more time to make those changes and/or do those things.
I politely suggest that perhaps it’s time to stop waiting and wake from what Don Miguel Ruiz calls the “dream” to rethink reality and let go of some of the unnecessary suffering that we all so often create for ourselves.
I readily admit to being a “work in progress,” but I also believe (have written about), that the real value is in the effort.
Perfection is overrated and frankly, unachievable.
However as long as we keep working to “agree” with the things that are most important to us and most in line with our values and greatest wellbeing, the closer we’ll get to becoming rock stars in our own well-lived lives like my beautiful friend (RIP DL).
The Four Agreements (a VERY edited version)
1. Be Impeccable with your Word
Being impeccable with your word is about not only about doing what you say, but also doing it in a way that serves you and others. It means speaking with confidence and not using your words to put others down or speak negatively about yourself.
Our words have incredible power, which is why it’s important to carefully choose how to use that power. You can either use it to support and encourage yourself and others or continue to agree with the negative scripts that even you no longer want to read.
2. Don’t take anything personally
Whatever other people do, even when it seems personal, really has nothing to do with you. It’s just their “dream” being realized. What they do and say, is based on the agreements they’ve made in their own minds… so, while it may seem otherwise, it really isn’t about you, it’s about them.
3. Don’t make assumptions
While most assumptions tend to be entirely baseless, we somehow still give them power. This can result in false expectations and lead to misunderstandings and a lot of unnecessary suffering. It helps to take the time to notice your tendency to assume things about yourself, others, or the world around you. And, of course, when in doubt, ask.
4. Always do your best
Always do your very best in the moment, knowing that it can and likely will change at any given point, depending on the conditions both within and around you. The important thing is to make your best effort with what you have, given where and how you are at that time.
RECOMMENDED LISTENS, READS
Working out at different times of day might have unique benefits for, an ambitious new study in mice suggests.
One of the best ways to thwart bias is to confront our underlying expectations, namely the assumptions and judgments that undergird our decision-making process.
The Lighter Side of Agreements
Are there any other subjects you want me to cover? Have Questions? Or, Need a Coach to Help You Create Your Wild and Precious Life… Hit “Reply” and tell me!
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Andrea J. Miller
+1 (646) 556-5401 (Whatsapp)