How to Manage Dysfunctional Work Relationships… It’s Not What You Think
In this issue: Managing Dysfunctional Work Relationships… / Chasing Hobbies Over Achievement Boosts Happiness / 3 common traits of workaholics (and how to stop lying to yourself about why you work so much) / The Lighter Side of Relationships
Managing Dysfunctional Work Relationships
Why you’re getting this:
I'm Andrea J. Miller and this is my “On Leading Well” Newsletter. I send this to people in my networks, people I’ve met recently, and friends I want to keep in touch with. You can unsubscribe (SEE THE VERY BOTTOM OF THE EMAIL) anytime, I won’t be offended.
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Whether it’s the first time, or if it’s just been a while, let’s connect and get to know each other (better) as humans.
1. If we’re not connected yet, connect with me on LinkedIn. I post some useful stuff there, as well :); and/or
2. Put 30 minutes on my calendar to chat. No strings attached, whatsoever.
Of course, if there’s something I can help you with, just ask and I’ll do whatever I can to help.
I look forward to connecting!
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We’ve all had dysfunctional relationships.
These days, it almost feels impossible not to.
Whether at work or in our personal lives, it’s hard to escape.
And even when we know something isn’t quite right, for some reason, we just can’t seem to walk away.
Maybe it’s optimism, we want it to work out, so we keep trying.
Or perhaps, there’s just something that we’re getting from it…
Something, that we know may not be right, and yet…
Recently I had that experience.
It started innocently enough.
It was fine at first. We’d connect now and then. And they were only too happy to help me with the work that mattered to me.
I was busy and I appreciated the support.
Gradually, I realized that I was becoming more and more dependent.
Perhaps even a bit co-dependent.
It began to trouble me.
I started to feel like I wasn’t thinking for myself anymore.
Possibly, because I often wasn’t.
While on some level I knew I should probably end it or at least reduce our time together, and yet, I couldn’t.
I rationalized it (I love good rationalization :).
I told myself it was only for the time being, while things were busy.
But deep down, I knew I could never end my dysfunctional relationship…with ChatGPT.
Even worse, I’d started two-timing them with Claude.ai (that’s just between us, of course 😊).
While I’ve admittedly, at times quite happily, fallen down the rabbit hole of AI and usually didn’t want to get back up…I do worry about what it’s doing tomy ability to think for myself.
It’s not that I’ve suddenly stopped thinking, but it’s how it’s changed that process that I worry about.
In our swipe right/left world, the easier things get, the more it plays on our dopamine system.
When that sneaky chemical that engages our reward centers for a job well done gets activated it’s hard to stop whatever is lighting up that reward center.
When we click, type, swipe, or solve, it's there, incentivizing our brain cells and feeding the addiction.
But what about the effect of AI?
We're meant to do, to create, to solve.
That's our brain's gym. It’s how we grow our mental muscles.
Without that workout or a much lighter one, we might just lose strength.
No judgment here, remember I’m using it too.
Yet, there’s an issue. A big one.
We risk turning our brains into dopamine-hungry sloths, waiting for the next AI hit.
So, I'm paying attention to my usage.
A little help here and there, sure. But the stuff that I love doing and thinking about, those things that light me up…that's still mine.
Because hitting 'send' on this somewhat quirky newsletter? Well, that’s a reward I’m not willing to share — at least not yet (insert eye roll).
And as for AI taking over completely? It won’t be happening anytime soon.
(Or so I say, wondering if AI wrote that last sentence :).
Managing the Dysfunction…Whether Human or Tech:
1. Set clear boundaries. Make it known what behavior and communication you will and won't accept from the other person. Don't tolerate abuse, manipulation, or toxicity.
2. Communicate directly. Address issues head-on, calmly, and professionally. Don't let problems grow. Be assertive about your needs.
3. Don't take it personally. Remember that the other person's behavior likely stems from their issues, not yours. Don't internalize their dysfunction.
4. Know when to involve others. If attempts to resolve issues 1:1 don't work, loop in HR or management. Don't suffer in silence. Document incidents.
5. Limit contact. If the relationship is negatively impacting you, limit interactions to only work-essential contact. Don't try to force a friendship or connection. Prioritize your wellbeing.
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RECOMMENDED LISTENS, READS And Other Interesting Things
You’ve Never Had It So Good. That’s Why You’re Stuck.
The low interest rates and high salaries of recent years have people staying put; part of the American dream slips away
10 Ways to Prove You’re a Strategic Thinker
To get ahead in the business world, it’s not enough to think strategically. You also have to effectively communicate those ideas. Here are several ways you can do this.
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The Lighter Side of Relationships
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Are there any other subjects you want me to cover? Hit “Reply” and tell me!
I love hearing from you :)!
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Andrea J. Miller
+1 (646) 556-5401 (Whatsapp)
As always, thanks for reading!