Confidence Becomes You… How to Move Past Uncertainty and Achieve Your Goals
In this issue: Confidence Becomes You… How to Move Past Uncertainty and Achieve Your Goals/ The Toxic Culture Gap Shows Companies Are Failing Women / Why Innovation Depends on Intellectual Honesty / The Other Side of Confidence
Why you’re getting this:
I'm Andrea J. Miller and this is my “On Leading Well” Newsletter. I send this to people in my networks, people I’ve met recently, and friends I want to keep in touch with. You can unsubscribe (SEE THE VERY BOTTOM OF THE EMAIL) anytime, I won’t be offended.
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Whether it’s the first time, or if it’s just been a while, let’s connect and get to know each other (better) as humans.
1. If we’re not connected yet, connect with me on LinkedIn. I post some useful stuff there, as well :); and/or
2. Put 30 minutes on my calendar to chat. No strings attached, whatsoever.
Of course, if there’s something I can help you with, just ask and I’ll do whatever I can to help.
I look forward to connecting!
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Confidence Becomes You… How to Move Past Uncertainty and Achieve Your Goals
72
That is the number of times I’ve sent out this newsletter.
The number surprised me.
Mainly because of how long it took me to send out my first newsletter.
Like a lot of you and so many people I’ve worked with over the years, there are areas of my life that I feel and have felt less than confident in, and writing was one of them.
Despite having been paid to write and publish for global audiences, this was/is the first time I was doing it without a safety net.
I have no co-authors, review panel, or editors to catch every (and there have been many) typo, not to mention someone to manage the tech.
But after some not-so-gentle prodding from my dear friend (and also one of the smartest people I know), Yuri, I finally pushed send…and then, a day later, pushed it again, since the first time I did it, I wound up only sending it to myself :).
As I cringed with embarrassment I thought/hoped that maybe it was a sign that I shouldn’t do this, but then figured out what went wrong and sent it anyway.
And since that moment and many typos and glitches later, I’ve pushed that button an additional 71 times.
So, this is both a post on confidence (I promise I’ll get there) and a thank you to all of you for staying with me on this journey.
The fact that you’re still “here”, and the occasional email messages, and likes of support have helped me in those moments when I thought about giving up (not great for confidence btw).
I’m very grateful to all of you.
Confidently You
One of the most difficult – and annoying – lessons for building confidence is, as I demonstrated above, having to actually do that thing you dread.
Let’s face it, it pretty much sucks!
The reason you’re not doing it in the first place is that you don’t feel confident and now, I’m telling you must do it anyway…wait, what?
Yeah, I know.
The etymology of the word confidence provides a clue…it’s “con = with”, and “fidere = faith.”
It’s about having faith in yourself that you can do it, even before you can really feel confident doing it.
This means like me, you’re going to have to “press send” many times before you have that faith that whatever you choose to do is (hopefully :) going to work.
In truth, it’s about transforming your relationship with fear.
And no matter how confident we get, we will all experience fear at times, so the issue isn’t about getting rid of it but finding a way to co-exist with it so we can keep going despite it.
To be clear, this is different than acting as if…it’s about, going back to last week’s newsletter, (which btw, was my most viewed yet (just saying :), choosing that identity, and following through because it’s (now) who you are.
When I started this journey, I was simply putting out a newsletter because, it was something I was told I needed to do…along the way that changed.
Now, I’m a writer, so I write.
Who are you? And what will you do because of it?
Repetition is the game changer…
As is accepting that you will get it wrong…as I’m sure many of you have noticed that I have many (many) times.
It’s been an uncomfortable path to 72, and yet, I continue to show up, learn, and improve…. building my confidence along the way.
Five Steps to Becoming a More Confident You…
Act Despite Fear: Despite the discomfort, you need to have faith in yourself that you can do it, and only then will you start to feel confident doing it. The goal isn't to completely eradicate fear but to transform your relationship with it and keep going despite its presence.
Identity Matter: Instead of pretending, decide who you want to be and take action. Confidence comes from identifying yourself with the task or role and following through because you know who you are.
Rinse & Repeat: Accept that you will make mistakes, but continue to show up, learn, and improve. The more times you try, the more opportunities you'll have to learn from your mistakes, and this continuous learning and improvement process will help you build your confidence.
Embrace the Mistakes: Understand that making errors is part of the process and not something to be avoided. Your confidence will grow as you realize that you can make mistakes, learn from them, and not only survive but thrive on your journey.
Your Biggest Fan: The root of confidence lies in your belief in yourself. Believing you can do it, is the first step in developing true confidence.
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RECOMMENDED LISTENS, READS And other interesting things
The Toxic Culture Gap Shows Companies Are Failing Women
Research shows that women are 41% more likely to experience toxic workplace culture than men.
Why Innovation Depends on Intellectual Honesty
Fostering psychological safety isn’t enough if managers don’t pay particular attention to creating conditions for healthy debate
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The Other Side of Confidence
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Are there any other subjects you want me to cover? Hit “Reply” and tell me!
I love hearing from you :)!
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If you enjoyed this newsletter, please forward to a friend (or 5 :) or someone you feel would benefit from reading it!
Andrea J. Miller
+1 (646) 556-5401 (Whatsapp)
Thanks for reading!